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Serina's Regrets and Guilt

Posted on 01 Sep 2020 @ 5:15am by Lieutenant JG Serina "Reaper" Donovan & Lieutenant JG John "Sickle" Martinson

Mission: S03 Ep 02 Trouble in the Sticks (Incidentals) Galen IV Phase 1
Location: Serina's Quarters
Timeline: Just After Finishing Moves Pt 2


Serina ran all the way from her office to her quarters in tears. She was emotional and in pain, not the physical type but the emotional type. Flinging her PADD across the room as the doors opened, "Damn it!" she yelled in a fit of rage. Grabbing a chair, she sent it flying, "Why am I still here?" she screamed, and crumbled to the carpet crying again.

John was finishing his flight checks, and went by Serina's office to see if she was there. Not finding her, he finished up and headed home. On the way, he stopped and picked out a bunch of flowers from the replicator to give Serina. She deserved them, especially after the way she brought home Sam alive, and after her depression from acting like a fool with the girls. She really felt like hell after that party and it sent her into a depression. He tried to help her get through it, and it worked somewhat. At this point he was wondering just what was going on in her head.

"Hey Serina…….I'm ho……..", he said as a boot came flying out the door, landing on the other side of the corridor. "Jesus!!!! What the hell is going on?" he said , as he picked up her boot and went inside their quarters. "Serina!!!! What's wrong?" he said walking into the bedroom. Serina was pacing the floor, seeing John she threw the other boot, "Get Out!" she yelled.

"Whoa, Serina STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS!!! What is going on with you? Throwing boots, yelling, screaming, calm the hell down woman!!," John said angrily. "Sit the hell down and let's talk about what is bothering you," he added.

"I don't want to sit and talk! I want to know why I'm still here flying. I should be raising my children not my parents, damn it! she screamed. Why didn't I quit after that mission? Why didn't I just leave my career behind and care for my babies….huh John? Why didn't I leave? Tell me that Much!!!," Serina yelled at John, crying the whole time.

John risked getting hit by Serina as he grabbed her from behind crossing her arms in front of her chest. Serina became like a wildcat penned up in a cage. Fortunately John had seen this type of behavior before and knew how to handle it. Holding her arms tightly, he spoke to her, "It's ok honey, please relax and we will get through this. Come on now…..shhh…….sh……..relax please ok?" he said quietly as Serina's body began to relax.``Listen to me ok…...we will see our children on the base when we dock ok? Mom and dad will be there waiting as they took up residence on the station ok……." he said calmly.

Looking at John, " You mean they didn't leave? They live there now?" Serina said, beginning to cry again. Serina's face changed again, "But they're not here on this ship with me. This is where they should be! Not on the base", she yelled, pulling away from John. Turning on him, "Anyway, why should you care? You're not the father! For all I know they could be monsters waiting to grow up!" she yelled at him, "Besides that, why marry me anyhow? I've been violated, made unclean," she cried.

"Serina!!!!!! My god, would I still be here if I didn't care? I LOVE you, you thick headed woman. We've been together too long for this bull to start now. I told you that I would take you regardless of what happened. Serina it wasn't your fault! What happened to you was unfortunate but you survived and gave birth to two beautiful daughters. That has to count for something, doesn't it?" John retorted back to her with a hint of anger in his voice.

"I just want my kids with me here. If I have to give up my career to be with them, then so be it. I quit!" Serina said, sitting on the floor, tears running down her cheeks. Torn between her career and babies, she was almost inconsolable.

"Serina I know how you feel, but you just saved one of your pilots lives, and no doubt you will save many more. If it were possible to keep the children with us on the ship, the captain would never let you fly and you know that! This is a ship that is a war bird and children can not be here. Damn it Serina, can't you understand that? Your career is important to everyone here on this ship. It is a no win scenario, now if you want to quit, well, I won't stop you. But, I warn you, sooner or later you are going to be looking to fly again. It's in your blood. Do you realize that both those girls will grow up looking up to you as a hero? Yes Serina, a hero. If they could understand now, they would see you as their mother, the pilot that saved lives," John said slowly. He wasn't sure if she really understood what he said but she stopped crying to listen.

"John…..what should I do then……" Serina said sitting next to him, taking his hand. She was on the edge of complete emotional collapse and John knew it.

"Serina, let's just chill here for a few ok. You're emotionally exhausted and close to collapse. I need you hun, so please, for my sake and the girls, take it easy. I can't stand seeing you in sickbay like this when you pass out", John said, holding her tightly.

Serina was emotionally exhausted and it physically made her tired, so much so that John picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and put her on the bed. Looking up into his face, "John, I love you so much….." she said, closing her eyes, she finally fell asleep with John next to her still holding her gently in his arms.


Lt. Jg. Serina "Reaper" Donovan
CAG/Raider 1
USS Tomcat

Lt. Jg. John "Sickle" Martinson
Flight Leader Raider 2
USS Tomcat


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